I only have a few, very snapshot-like memories of my dad. They’re so random, fuzzy and quick I’m usually not sure if they are actual memories or snippets of my imagination. I remember him taking my hand and walking me through the busy, white hospital halls right up to this counter, separated up top with a plexiglass. On the other side is my mom in a white robe, holding up a bundle of something. “That’s your baby brother”, he told me, sat on his hip so I can see them. Can we take him home? “Not yet.”
There’s also this other one, of him lifting me up so I can feed a giraffe some leaves. I never found any pictures of me and him at a zoo so it might be wishful thinking in the works. I wished he had time, working two jobs, to take me to places like the zoo. But he was either too busy, or too tired, and I remember once putting duct tape on his forehead to ‘get rid of his wrinkles’.
One thing I’m sure about, though, is that he liked hiking. Couldn’t really keep the habit up once he met my leech of a mother – with worm rings and everything –, but I do remember staying in a cabin once. Never seen so much wood at one place before, inside or out. There was this shallow, wider stream not too far and he spent all day fly fishing. I cried when I found out fish sticks actually comes from fish. Good times.
When mIrAnDa said we should all find a ‘sober activity’, I googled that shit, the greatest student of all time I am, and then closed the browser tab with a fuck no. You know what comes up when you google that shit? Paddleboarding. Potluck diner. Count your savings and other benefits. Like, who the fuck does Google think I am, Kelly Clarkson? Why, I pray, are we selling all our fucking data like it’s GHB at a frat party, when the AI can’t even tell what’s our poison? Here’s a clue: it ain’t paddleboarding.
And then you obviously need to make pictures and write a 500 word essay on the experience and define how it made you a better you, and also sacrifice a new born at the first blue moon. The last one actually sounds like fun but I feel like Miranda would disagree with me. Fucking Miranda.
“Hey…” I halt in my steps, dry leaves crunching beneath my feet, staring at a tree in front of me like I’m mentally discussing battle plans with it, of how to best sack Isengard. I feel Rick bumping into me, ‘cause I MIGHT have stopped before saying anything, but I only spare him an annoyed glance before turning back to my new buddy. “Do you also fucking hate walking?”
Because I do. It’s kinda like being into girls, I’ve always had a hunch, but then you try it out and you’re like yep, that checks out. Only… You know. Girls are awesome and walking sucks. I even got Robert to buy me this fucking hiking shoe. Okay, it MIGHT be only designed to resemble one, but come on, actual hiking shoes are so ugly. And you’re telling me it’s not about looks? Shut your mouth.
I drop my backpack to the ground, a twig snaps, and I’m also down on the ground, legs spread all awkward like a toddler that just slipped in his own spit and did a split he didn’t know he was capable of. They have those huge diapers to protect their tiny lil’ asses though, and I don’t, and all the leaves are liars when they tell you they are soft and comfy. So now, not only do my calves hurt like crazy, but also my ass. Dex, on the other hand, comes up to me all happy, waggin’ his tail like he’s throwing it down at the club for free drinks. I need to push his salivating mouth away – yet one thing he has in common with people at clubs –, and look at Rick. He looks fine. It’s annoying.
“Seriously, how much more on this fucking trail? Wasn’t this supposed to be an easy place to hike? Like, I literally put ‘easy’ first in my google search, that’s clearly a priority. And who the fuck would name it Surprise Snake Loop if it was a professional one? Like, seriously. Are five year olds naming these?”
I don’t know what has gotten into Rick when he accepted my order of ‘hop in, looser, we’re going hiking’, since he didn’t need to. He fucking finished the program, yay, he was saved. And as the supporting friend I am, obviously, I’m very happy. Happy that he’s fine, that he doesn’t need to do all this shit. Happy that he’s officially done it.