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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister The recipe never mentions how much wine you will need to get through baking cookies with your kids.

#gingerbreadmaking #theysuckatbaking #iwilleatsomeoreolater #merryfuckingwhatever

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mr.mcallister

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writer @ ViacomCBS; dad&burried @ home

591 posts 2065 followers 951 following

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, “teaching elementary school math.”

#homeschooling #noneedtosaveforcollege #theyregonnafail #sorry

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister Double Espresso & a dash of Irish whiskey.

#morningcoffeewithsally #imsuchagooddad

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister Cooking with kids is all fun and games, but at the end you’re better off eating off the gas station bathroom floor... Like wow, thanks kiddo, that doesn't look gross at all!

#lizzieissuchashittycook #foodhorror #sheburnttheshitoutofthatthing #donoteatanythingyourkidsmade #trustme #justorderapizza #yikes

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mr.mcallister

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79 likes

mr.mcallister “When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?”

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister It's always fun to see @milesmcallister putting maximum effort into family nights and enjoying himself with us. Thans a lot, you turd!

#familynight #yourfaceisstupid #youloser

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mr.mcallister

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68 likes

mr.mcallister Trump Piñata! Still the biggest hit in Manhattan. (pun intended)

#itsnotaballoon #itsapinata #bestthingever

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister They finally made something remotely fridge door worthy.

#littleartist #itwasapresent #noneedtosaveforartschool

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister Last night (after a totally reasonable amount of beer) I found out my brother is, in fact, totally capable of smiling. He just genuinely likes to be a sore loser. I'm still in shock @masonmcallister!

#littlebrother #ilikeyoumorewhenyouredrunk

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister Check out the latest episode of Now&Next featuring the incredibly talented Ophelia Dermot at viacomcbs.com/now-next.

#podcast #indepthinterviews #opheliadermot #checkitout #itsmandatory

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mr.mcallister

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mr.mcallister How the Hell are you allowed to drive? Got it @hellhunt? It's a good joke.

#worstdriver #really #lookatherface #fuckingmaniac

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